Listen well, my pretties. If your home inspires anything short of sheer horror, you must shroud your entrance in darkness: strips of torn plastic to twist in the wind.
Lay a heavy-duty black garbage bag flat on a work surface, open end towards you. With scissors, cut 1 1/2-inch vertical strips from the bottom, stopping a few inches from the top. Cut open one side seam, then unfold bag. Use masking tape or tacks to hang. Then, with hands a few inches apart, grasp each strand and pull; stretch strands in several places for a decrepit effect.