Monday, November 20, 2006

Spud Snub

THERE ONCE was an Irish potato that fell in love with an Idaho potato. They married, put down roots and had a little sweet potato.

The sweet potato grew up and fell in love with a newscaster. She wanted to marry him, but her parents objected because they didn't want any daughter of theirs marrying a common tater.


Turkey, Turkey Everywhere

THE TURKEY shot out of the oven
    and rocketed into the air.
It knocked every plate off the table
    and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
    and burst with a deafening boom,
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
    completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
    it totally coated the floor.
There was turkey attached to the ceiling
    where there’d never been turkey before.
It blanketed every appliance,
    It smeared every saucer and bowl.
There wasn’t a way I could stop it,
    that turkey was out of control.
I scraped and scrubbed with displeasure,
    and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I’d never again stuff a turkey
    with popcorn that hadn’t been popped.

Bear with Us

A YOUNG FELLOW was bragging to his buddy about his hunting skills. Just as they arrived at their cabin, he said, “You get the fire started, and I’ll go get us something for supper.”

He walked a few minutes and met a bear. He immediately dropped everything he was carrying and ran back to the cabin as fast as he could, with the bear right at his heels.

Just as he reached the cabin, he slipped and fell. The bear was going too fast to stop and skidded right through the open cabin door.

The young fellow got up, closed the door and shouted to his buddy from the outside, “You skin that one, and I’ll go get us another.”

Needs Better Directions

DURING THE EARLY DAYS of the Model T Ford, a salesman was traveling through the mountains of eastern Kentucky. The roads were narrow and not maintained very well. The salesman soon realized he was lost, so he stopped an old mountaineer along the road and asked, “How do you get to Louisville from here?”

The mountaineer replied, “Most of the time my son-in-law takes me.”


Now Let Us Play

TOO THRIFTY? To save money, a mother of seven children frequently shopped at a bakery thrift store. She didn’t realize the impression she was making on her children until she overheard one reciting a prayer, saying, “Give us this day our day-old bread.”

GRAND FINALE. After saying bedtime prayers, little Sam asked what “Amen” meant. His mother explained it meant they were all finished. The next morning, he brushed his teeth, put down the toothbrush and said “Amen.”

BE THANKFUL. Timmy wasn’t a fan of the dinner his mother set in front of him. Before she let him begin to eat, she reminded him to say grace. “Dear God,” began Timmy, “please don’t make me eat this.”

Brand Him a Greenhorn

AN EASTERNER had always dreamed of owning a cattle ranch and finally saved enough money to buy the spread of his dreams in Wyoming.

“So what did you name the ranch?” asked a friend when he came to visit.

“We had a hard time,” admitted the novice rancher. “My wife and I couldn’t agree on a name. But we finally settled on the Double R Lazy Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch.”

“Wow!” exclaimed his impressed friend. “So where are all the cattle?”

“None survived the branding.”

And that's my story and I am sticking to it!




rayne1123 said...

lol  that was great

radar446 said...

Good morning!!  Thanks for putting a smile on my face this early in the day.  Happy Thanksgiving to you!


ally123130585918 said...

Happy Thanksgiving to you ~ Loved this entry gave me a good laugh ~ Ally

lsfp1960 said...

LOL,  LOL  very good.  Cute & clean jokes...I like that.   Thanks...Linda in windy, rainy and cold Washington state      

randlprysock said...

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!!  Hugs,

lifes2odd said...

Very cute! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Martha :-)

lisa41076 said...

Barbara, Happy Thanksgiving to you !!!!!!!! Love Ya Lisa

queenb8261 said...

Thanks for sharing the funnies.
Hugs, Barb