Sunday, November 5, 2006

Not All Blondes Are Dumb

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk.

She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts,

"How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side.


KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"


BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"


IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


FINAL EXAM

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.

During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."


ABDUCTION

There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.

She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde.

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note: Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!


GOD LOVES BLONDES

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to pray for help. She begins to pray..."Please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto." Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it.

She again prays... "Please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "Why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE let me win the lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the thunderous voice from heaven, "You know, it would sure make it a lot easier if you'd help me out and at least buy a ticket, Blondie."


***No offense meant to any Blondes here***

I am a blonde too LOL Barbara

9 comments:

radar446 said...

Great jokes!!  It's been a while since I've heard any new blonde jokes, but you managed to find a few.

Greg
http://journals.aol.com/radar446/PhotoTrek/

queenb8261 said...

Gotta love a blonde.
Barb  

randlprysock said...

Love these!!  Ya made me smile.  The one about going to the sun at night is a hoot!  Hugs,
Lisa : )

rjet33 said...

You made me laugh some more......hee hee........

Blessings!~

Susan

fasttrack58 said...

Too funny!!
Hey I'm a blond....
Linda :)

krspkrmmom said...

I love the lotto one--that was funny!

Annie =)

pharmolo said...

There is an entire website full of blonde jokes lol

rayne1123 said...

LOL  I LOVE THEM!
HUGS
NOELLE

valphish said...

Tee Hee.. I like the Abduction.  I am a brunette with many a blonde day.  xox
http://journals.aol.com/valphish/ThereisaSeason