Friday, September 8, 2006

Late Night Early Morning Funnies

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang  at 2 in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and
said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
clear."

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks
familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the
mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys
a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,
and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.

She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ? "

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE

A blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US
government class.

The professor asked her if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

She pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George
Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware "

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked
and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman."

OK. Now forward this to someone else who needs a laugh today!

11 comments:

ally123130585918 said...

Loved the jokes ~ very funny ~ Ally

am4039 said...

funny stuff

emabecmar said...

lol, loved the funnies. i copied them to an email, got some people who would love them, thanks. (((hugs)))
Cindy

radar446 said...

Great way to start the morning...thanks!

Greg

krspkrmmom said...

That was a nice way to start my morning!  Thanks!

Annie =)

queenb8261 said...

Oldies but goodies. :)
Barb

mtrib2 said...

I think the 'blind policeman' one was over the top,  lol  .       They were all new one's to me.    I am heading outside after resting since I got back from my pool exercises at physical therapy this morning.      Laying on my board/cushion reading is necessary to keep me from overwhelming pain and lets me concentrate on what I am reading.     I am wearing my TENS unit to provide some relief with the electrodes to my low back and hip.     I will take it off as it doesn't stay on correctly when I am trying to do some light work.     I am doing a little outside work since I was on the steroid pack several weeks ago.   The weather has also gotten nice.    I am pasteing what is going on with me.   mark



  I have a diagnosed spinal stenosis that is severe so I haven't been on the computer much.     I am still attempting to work with my worker on constructing the addition over and around my kitchen and it is extremely difficult for me to do even light work.    I am being referred to a Neurosurgeon but with my Medicaid Insurance doctors in Illinois have not been paid for a year.    I am using my TENS electrical stimulation unit and going to physical therapy.     If a Neurosurgeon  can not see me there will be another course of treatment.     I hope to get around to some journals this weekend.    mark
Comment from mtrib2 - 9/8/06 2:34 PM

lisa41076 said...

Barbara , as usual you you always make me smile , Hope you have a great weekend, Love You Lisa XO

nelishianatl said...

I thought the  blind policeman was the funniest.  They were all very funny!  As always, you made me smile.
Ty
Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/WISHINGANDHOPING/

fasttrack58 said...

too funny!!
Linda :)

shadierush said...

Great jokes!
Shadie