Wednesday, May 24, 2006

You know you're a redneck when...... Wordplay for Val

You know you're a redneck when......

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8.  You come back from the dump with more than you took.

9. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

10. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

11. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

12. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

13. You have a rag for a gas cap.

14. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

15. You can spit without opening your mouth.

16. You consider your license plate personalized
because your father made it.

17. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

18. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

19. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

20. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

21. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

22. A tornado hits your neighborhood
and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

23. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

24. You missed your 5th grade graduation
because you were on jury duty.

25. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

How many are you?

I am at least 10 of these....I will let you figure out which ten...and no it is not the first one unless we are on a really long car trip.  I am the only girl in this family and when ya gotta go....ya gotta go!

XOX Barbara

10 comments:

trickeytricky said...

Mwhahahahahaha - I love it! Girl you know me . . . at least 10 of these. I can think of multiple times where a fly swatter has entertained me for more than 15 minutes . . . my car can hold 4 bails of hey in the trunk if I squeeze, and only 2 in the back seat. HaHaHa! Oh and the cool-whip, we aren't that fancy, we use our country crock butter containers for tupper ware. :-D

Oh honey, you crack me up! Thanks!

Amanda :)
http://journals.aol.com/trickeytricky/CountryMyKindaLivin

stansgirl2004 said...

LMAO I'm not a redneck at all i guess
Dying  to know which ten are you lol
Hugs, Marina

butterflies4me04 said...

This is great! :)

I am none of these ... I'm a city girl!

But I love reading this stuff! :)

Theresa

debbiewebb4465 said...

LOL these are great!!! I'm guilty of the first one!!!! We go fishing a lot and there are no loos lol...... :-) Happy Hump day !!!
hugs Debbie ~xxxxx~
http://journals.aol.com/debbiewebb4465/TheLifeTimesofanEssexGirl

bhbner2him said...

Well, the guys use trees.....and there is flea & tick shampoo by the tub.......and I personally hauled many a bale of hay in my Olds.  LOL   -  Barbara
http://journals.aol.com/bhbner2him/LifeFaithinCaneyhead/entries/1958

queenb8261 said...

LOL You might be a redneck : (Some I've found. LOL )
You use the term 'over yonder' more than once a month.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.  
The most commonlyf heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You've been too drunk to fish.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run.)
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right.'
You've ever financed a tattoo.
You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a daycare.
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
You have a very special baseball cap just for formal occassions.
You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
The theme song at your high school prom was 'Friends in Low Places.'
It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!)
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
You grow Vidalia onions rather than considering them a gourmet item.
You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
 Uhm, sorry for putting an entry in your journal.
H

valphish said...

OMG, Barb, these ARE hysterical!!  I watch/listen to Jeff Foxworthy every chance I can get.  I even have a couple of his CDs.  I can relate to him... Did I say that? LOL  I especially like - You come home from the dump with more than you go there with. LOL  So, do you mind if I post this?  I will give you creidit!  Can I steal it.. Love you! xoxox
http://journals.aol.com/valphish/ThereisaSeason

mtrib2 said...

I can't take it anymore.    No one can fit all the descriptions.    Let's be real here people.    Leave us people alone and you don't have to be a stereotype to fit this descriptive jokes.    Love thy neighbor regardless of their lawn ornament choices.     Either these are just too funny or I'm a sick person.     mark

plieck30 said...

Yep I own those salad bowls in number 18 and John has an entertainment center like number 20. Paula

fasttrack58 said...

You are hysterical!!!!!!
Linda :)