Tuesday, August 1, 2006

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
 

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. 
 

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

 

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

 

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

 

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO…. Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

 

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

 

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

 

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

 

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming"WOO HOO, What a Ride!!!!

 Pass the chocolate PLEASE!!!

15 comments:

emabecmar said...

lol, i love this.
cindy

lisa41076 said...

Hi Barbara, that is a funny quiz, hope all is well with you, Hugs Lisa

ally123130585918 said...

Barbara I loved this one ~ lol ~ Ally

luddie343 said...

Well Barb, although completely inaccurate, very funny!  Cathy

rayne1123 said...

lol..i think this is the funniest thing i have read in a while

mikev009 said...

LMAO. ~ Mike

lv2trnscrb said...

I loved it, Barbara. Did you write it?? I'm printing this out and saving it for a good laugh.

betty

jg4949 said...

Great entry!


jeane

trickeytricky said...

Mwahahahaha! And what does your son the chef think about your "healty" eating habits. (j/k) All though I would give up sex for the chocolate diet - one where every meal was made outta it and I didn't gain a pound.

mwahahaha, that would be fantastical!

I always love your funnies over here.

Amanda :)
http://journals.aol.com/trickeytricky/CountryMyKindaLivin

fasttrack58 said...

I always like that saying at the end about sliding in sideways with chocolate in your hand screaming Woo Hoo!! Lol!!
Linda :)

butterflies4me04 said...

Oh Barb, if I need a good laugh, I know I just need to come on over to your journal and my day is all better! :)

Theresa

am4039 said...

my type of dieting and exercising. LOL. Your funny.

queenb8261 said...

That's why I always order a diet coke with my fast food. LOL
I believe that God put on  Earth to accomplish a certain number of things.  Right now I am so far behind, I will never die.  
Love ya, Barb  

stansgirl2004 said...

You crack me up woman LOVE YOU
Hugs, Marina

lisa41076 said...

You are so funny, lol, that whale comment cracked me up, I love whales, even since I came back from Alaska I fell in love with them, Hugs Lisa