Late Night Funnies

A Cheesy Romance? A YOUNG LADY was dating two men—a dairy farmer and a poet. She had trouble deciding if she should marry for butter or for verse.     Has Plenty of Pull

A SALESMAN drove his car into a ditch in a rural area. Luckily, a farmer came to his aid with his big strong horse, “Buddy.” He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy did not move. Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Again, Buddy just stood there.

Next, the farmer ordered, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Still, Buddy didn’t budge. Finally, the farmer yelled, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” The big horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The salesman thanked the farmer and then asked, “Why did you call your horse by the wrong name three times?”

The farmer grinned. “Buddy’s blind,” he answered. “If he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try.”

 

Danger Lurks Below

ENTERING a little country store, a stranger noticed a sign that read, “DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!” Inside, he saw a harmless old hound asleep on the floor near the cash register. He asked the owner, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”

“Yep,” the owner answered. “That’s him.”

The stranger couldn’t help being amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me,” he said with a chuckle. “Why did you decide to post that sign?”

“Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted it, people kept tripping over him.”

 

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in! It's cold outside. Stating Their Case

TWO GUYS were bragging about their home states. The first was from Texas. “Our strawberries are so huge that it takes a team of mules to pull one off the vine,” he boasted.

The second guy retorted, “That’s nothing! In Iowa, where I’m from, we grow corn so tall that we have to climb the stalks at night just to let the moon pass by!”

Wood You Like Some Milk?

SOME small farmers never get board with showing off their dairy herd.

To see what we mean, click here. He Got the ItchHAVE YOU heard about the farmer who came up with an idea for a new crop? His plan is to cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover. He figures he’ll have a rash of good luck.

 

It’s a Hairy Problem

THE FOREMAN in a widget factory noticed one of his workers walk out of the plant in the middle of his shift without punching the time clock. When the worker returned an hour later, the foreman asked him where he’d been.

“I went to get a haircut,” the fellow answered, gesturing to his head.

“You can’t get your hair cut on company time!” the foreman said.

“Why not?” the worker asked. “It grows on company time.”

Speak Up, I Can’t See You

You know you’re growing older when:

• Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

• The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

• You feel like the morning after the night before, but you haven’t been anywhere.

• Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

• You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

• You sit in a rocking chair, but can’t get it going.

• Your knees buckle, but your belt won’t.

• Your back goes out more than you do.

• You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

• The only whistles you get are from your hearing aids.

Order the Moon Pie

DID YOU KNOW about a restaurant the astronauts discovered on the moon? The food was good, but the place didn’t have much atmosphere.