Thursday, April 6, 2006

Laugh With Me

Blonde And The Jigsaw Puzzle

A blonde calls her boyfriend on the phone with a problem.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard.

 None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's the picture of?" he asks.

"It's of a big rooster," she replies.
"All right," he says, "I'll come over and have a look."

When he arrives, she thanks him for coming over and leads him over to the
kitchen table where she has it laid out. 

 He takes one look at what she's
been struggling with and says, "Oh, for goodness sake, put the  cornflakes
back in the box!"

Now that's funny!

Blonde Winner! A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee and sits down to drink it. She looks on  the side of her cup and finds a peel-off prize. She pull off the tab and yells, "I WON! I WON! I WON a motor home; I WON a motor home!"

The waitress runs over and says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!" The blonde replies, "No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!"

By this time the manager makes his way over to the table and says, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!"   Again the blonde says, "No, no mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!"

The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL."

Winabego.  For some of you blondes like me who didn't get it right away. LOL


New Redneck List   You might want to do this one too and highlight the ones that make you a red neck.  MIne are in pink LOL

You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't. Back in the old days of our marriage, now we have a house and more than 5 vehicles that aren't.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
Your boat has not left the driveway (or front yard) in 15 years. couple of those too.

You own a homemade fur coat.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns. Get these from one walk in the woods or laying in the grass in Texas
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. No but I have swept a few.

Birds are attracted to your beard.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest. Can anyone say grocery store?
You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial. Yup actually on Ricks
You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately. It jumped in front of the truck I swear!
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument. It isn't?
You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
You clean your fingernails with a stick. Or a Buck knife
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list. I have actually given Rick ammo as a present
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
There are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys. Never officially kicked out, but sure is fun feeding them raisins
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You have every episode of Hee-haw on tape.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You're considered an expert on wormbeds.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
People hear your car a long time before they see it. The Buick?  Got pulled over by a cop just the other night because it was too loud. Whatever!
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient for soup.
You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
You own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves. Rick cuts all the sleeves off his tshirts drive me crazy!
You have ever spray-painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
You consider a six-pack of beer and a bug zapper entertainment.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. Rick and I ran one two years.  Actually it is alot of fun yall
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
The primary color of your car is Bondo. This would be Ricks truck.
Directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road." Yup
Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
You owe your taxidermist more than your annual income.
You ever lost a tooth opening a bottle.
Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.
Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
You see no need to stop at a rest stop, 'cause you have an empty milk carton.
You consider the fifth grade your senior year.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You have a hefty bag where the window of your car should be.
You have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.
You consider gravel "Home Improvement."

Guess we are just part Red Neck.

That's all for now before I lose this entry.

I'll BE Back! Barbara


tpiez4me said...

What??? No duct tape?????
Sharon -

butterflies4me04 said...

That was definitely funny! I enjoyed reading this one!


mikev009 said...

"You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk. "  Now that was classic.  ~  Mike

trickeytricky said...

You might be a redneck jokes are my FAVORITE. hehehe. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. HAHAHAHA! I had never heard that one before. I love it!

Amanda :)

am4039 said...

lol funny stuff.

eternallife23 said...

Loved them all. Thanks for the laugh.

mtrib2 said...

I enjoyed the jokes.   mark

queenb8261 said...

Those are pretty good and I haven't seen most of those.  You're so not a redneck.  LOL
Luv ya sis, Barb

fasttrack58 said...

I am lovin these!!!
Linda :)